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Hello, my name is Caleb. I am new to the blog stuff and I am looking for some guidance.
At the moment, I am on federal probation for possessing marijuana on a military installation. I am half way through my probation, but I'm in a town where it surrounds me. I also got into stealing and it cost me some friends and it got me into trouble. Then while I was in trouble for stealing, I trusted a "friend" who offered to help me out while I was struggling. Well that ended up hurting me also. Giving me another larceny charge. I have managed to keep myself out of trouble lately, but now I'm jobless and I'm always worried about my next meal and money for bills. I was only thinking 'money, money, money,' so I started growing a marijuana plant. I know that on a good plant I would get around $500. Nobody knew about it, but my uncle (the person I was staying with) went in my closet for something and kicked me out. My Dad is a US Marine and my Mother used to be one also. They moved to Okinawa when I got put on probation and I could not go.
Now from my description I have just given I know I am describing a criminal, I can't lie. I was, but lately, I've been wondering about myself and the person I have turned into. I was never like this. While in high school, I played soccer and I wrestled. I won the regional match and came in 5th at states, but I beat the state champ at regionals 10-0. I was in MCJROTC and worked hard in that. I played the trombone in the marching band, jazz band, and concert band. I also sang in the chorus. I was also a boy scout and achieved the rank of Life Scout, but never achieved my goal of Eagle Scout because of laziness. My parents did a fantastic job of raising me. I have very good manners and I have learned to keep my cool when things get heated. I treat ladies right and only try to see the best in people. In high school, my work ethic was extraordinary. I mean I wasn't a straight A student, but to achieve my goal of making it to wrestling states I went through one of the toughest years of training I think anyone can have. After wrestling was over and I didn't win I just let myself go. I'm not overweight, but I'm not nearly as strong or as explosive as I was. Also, anytime someone needed my advice they would listen and usually be alright, but now people see me as a joke. I do not blame them. I was very popular, but now I feel like I'm an outcast or a village idiot. My recent brain farts have had me lose a lot of good people who thought of me as someone who would make a big difference in our world and I would be a hard worker. I feel as if I have failed. My ship has sunk and is laying on the rocky bottom. My only thoughts have been to get back on my good path. I want a job so bad so I can prove to people I am a hard worker, but it's hard to get a job right now. I look every day and I always hear the same stuff. We're not hiring at the moment, but keep calling or come in next week."
I want to learn about meditation to ponder my mistakes and learn from them instead of making the same mistakes as a felon. I miss the old me but don't know how to get back. I just want to learn. Thanks for listening.